I asked my girlfriend to rank schedule release videos. I will love her forever.
The 2024 NFL schedule release videos are the pinnacle of the NFL offseason. Social media teams treat this like their Super Bowl, wowing fans of all walks of life with their creativity in highlighting the upcoming schedule.
And by all walks of life, I mean including significant others who have no clue what’s going on.
Like my girlfriend. She is amazing and I love her very, very much. She also doesn’t know very much about football or many of the stories about football. She DOES remember the schedule release videos showing up on her TikTok page last year, though. So what would be a better way to ring in the 2024 season by having someone who has no idea about many of the people or jokes in the schedule release videos rank every single video, and share commentary?
Sounds good, right? Perfect, LET US BEGIN! All the videos are linked in the team names.
“Nothing in football has ever made my girlypop heart happier. They looked me dead in the eye with that one. That was so cool, my favorite part was the Reesa Teesa mention. Also currently re-downloading The Sims 3.”
“Put it on a t-shirt. I want it as a poster. It convinced me to watch X-Men ‘97.”
“That was sick, serious done right. Love the mixed media, love the local artists. More creamsicle please!”
“I’m a simple woman, who loves badass visuals. Needed music in the background, and there weren’t enough Ram references.”
“It feels fun, nostalgic, and I feel like the Falcons spent more time on that than their first-round pick.”
“Love to see men having fun. Also pleased to see the Panthers paint about as well as they play.”
“That was cute, I like that a lot. Mascot football is one of the greatest things ever created. This is the level of sportsmanship I want to see in the NFL.”
“That was funny, I like it. That man looks terrifying but I can make him laugh.” (Writers note: she didn’t know who James Harrison was).
”It’s got groove, it’s got charm. I’m into it. Brownie the Elf is terrifying, lock him up.”
“I got a Sims 3 and a Mean Girls reference back to back? A Breakfast Club reference too? This schedule release was for the girls. They did good, I didn’t like the weeks out of order. He shouldn’t go to into acting after football.”
“It’s tongue-in-cheek. I like it. The Dolphins are all speed, no stamina huh.”
“It felt distinctly Baltimore in the best and worst way possible. I’m scared of Baltimore now.”
“I’m glad they chose to do commentary on New York’s housing and cost of living crisis.”
“I like it. That’s more exciting than anything I’ve seen from Apple in the last decade. I’m mad they stole my high school’s logo.”
Said high school logo:
“A classic, I like it. I hope that girl makes it to Berlin safe.”
“The war on AI has nothing on the war between the Falcons and Saints.”
“It’s silly, it’s goofy. I don’t think it should leave.”
“That was pretty satisfying. The orange was my favorite.”
“It’s giving ‘The Raiders wanna be taken seriously this year.’ Good cinematography though.”
“It was cute, I liked it. The TV reminded me of my childhood.”
“Do Eagles fans need help? Those people are scary, but that outfit went pretty hard.”
“No video, it’s what the people want.”
“They cooked on the posters, but they look like they had fun making the video so I have respect for that.”
“That was cute, I had fun.” (Writer’s note: She was actively playing along.)
“If I would’ve seen Good Will Hunting I would’ve liked it more.”
“Further proof that if you say it with enough confidence you’ll be right. 2023 was better.”
“I wanna like it more than I did.”
“Saweetie and Dawn said it all.”
“Short and sweet, I like it. If only the team was as cool as that art.”
“He looks like the kind of man that would like avocado toast. As a southerner I’m deeply offended. The menu is cool.”
“The Texans did it better. It’s giving unoriginal.”
“This has been the worst one. I’m bored and thought I was having a stroke at first.”
