Dan Campbell is still just a football coach.
The NFL dropped one of my favorite things of the offseason: The official coach’s photo. Each year the league asks that all 32 coaches join together for a class photo during league meetings, and it never stops being entertaining.
What makes the coach photo special is that there’s seemingly never a plan for this thing. Guys just rock up in whatever clothes they happened to throw on and get herded like cats to get this shot. As a result we get a sense of their true personalities, and today we’re breaking down the real jobs of all these coaches in an alternate timeline.
NFL coaches gathered on Day One of the Annual Meeting for a quick photo in between sessions. pic.twitter.com/BQdoin0RpV
— Brian McCarthy (@NFLprguy) March 30, 2025
Left to right, back row first
Brian Daboll, Giants: Locksmith in Queens telling you it’s going to be $275 to open your door with a credit card
Mike McDonald, Seahawks: Works at his best friend’s comic book store
Kellen Moore, Saints: Insurance salesman who keeps pressuring you to take out a life insurance policy on your child no matter how many times you say no.
Liam Coen, Jaguars: Youth pastor at a South Carolina megachurch
Todd Bowles, Buccaneers: Police sergeant, but like a good cop
Shane Steichen, Colts: Manager of a medical supply company. Knows everything about toilet chairs for the elderly
Kevin O’Donnell, Vikings: Assistant manager at Shane Steichen’s medical supply company
Mike Tomlin, Steelers: Owner/chef of a food truck. Had to hire a cashier because he was too grumpy to handle customers
Dan Campbell, Lions: Football coach
Sean Payton, Broncos: Owner/operator of ‘Flip Flops Grill’ in Redondo Beach
Zac Taylor, Bengals: Bland father occasionally featured in background of family YouTube channel
DeMeco Ryans, Texans: Physical therapist who secretly enjoys seeing clients in pain
Dave Canales, Panthers: Personal trainer who gets just a little too close to his clients
Brian Schottenheimer, Cowboys: Wendy’s manager who tells everyone his job is in “sales”
Mike Vrabel, Patriots: Exterminator you’re worried might have inhaled too much bug spray over the years
Jonathan Gannon, Cardinals: Used car salesman who has a great deal on a 2004 Kia Optima you can drive away in today no matter how bad your credit is
Ben Johnson, Bears: Private golf instructor at Raleigh-area country club
Aaron Glenn, Jets: 10th grade English teacher, but his real passion is trumpet
Mike McDaniel, Dolphins: Improvised hip hop dance instructor in Flagstaff, Arizona
Matt LaFleur, Packers: Used to be a semi-pro tennis player. Now teaches Pickleball
Sean McDermott, Bills: Dentist with three outstanding malpractice lawsuits
Nick Sirianni, Eagles: Running his family’s sports bar into the ground. Featured in season three of Kitchen Nightmares
Andy Reid, Chiefs: Retired. Currently traveling coast-to-coast in his RV
Sean McVay, Rams: Financial planner advising all his customers to put their savings into “SpongeCoin.” Will eventually bankrupt them all and be investigated by SEC
John Harbaugh, Ravens: Arborist who gives ludicrous quotes for tree removal
Pete Carroll, Raiders: Kindly optometrist who makes too many puns about eyes
Jim Harbaugh, Chargers: Embezzlement
Kevin Stefanski, Browns: Child transformed into adult with aide of an enchanted Zoltar machine
Kyle Shanahan, 49ers: Donates plasma
Brian Callahan, Titans: J.D. Vance lookalike for parties. Nobody has ever booked him
Dan Quinn, Commanders: Host of a scared straight YouTube channel detailing what life in prison was like
Raheem Morris, Buccaneers (not pictured): John Cena
