Kirk Cousins isn’t going to win in Atlanta because he’s still a Costco hotdog

The only difference is that Kirk isn’t cheap.

Sunday in the Superdome was the quintessential Kirk Cousins football game. 300 yards passing, a solid completion percentage — and one L for good measure. The now 6-and-4 Falcons appear vulnerable at the top of the chaotically awful NFC South, but regardless of whether Atlanta can win the division or not it’s growing abundantly clear that this plan just isn’t going to work. The Falcons aren’t built to win a Super Bowl, they don’t have the attitude on the field, and above all else: Kirk Cousins is still a Costco hot dog.

This is something I explored in January of 2023 when the Vikings flamed out of the playoffs after a stellar regular season. We’re almost two years removed, but the reality when it comes to Cousins still stands.

“Cousins will forever be exactly the guy he is right now. Every season he’s going to throw for 4,000 yards, he’s going to make the Pro Bowl every year, and he’s going to continually do just enough to make you think he has the talent to win a Super Bowl. He won’t. It’s not in his DNA as a player. There’s just something eternally missing from Cousins’ game that the truly great ones, the ring-winning, Lombardi-hoisting QBs possess, which he lacks. Cousins is the Scottie Pippen of NFL quarterbacks. He’s never going to be the guy you need when the pressure is on, when a critical game on the line — but he’ll get you at close to the dance, as if that’s a consolation prize.”

Just for good measure, Cousins in on-pace for 4,397 yards. He’ll make a Pro Bowl because of his impressive raw yardage and completion percentage. Once again a Cousins-led team is going to either struggle to make the playoffs at all, or flame out in the opening round.

This is the nature of a Costco hot dog. It’s reliable. It’s serviceable. When you are in need of sustenance it’s going to be there for you. Hell, it’s perfectly fine to love the Costco hotdog as well — but nobody is going to confuse it with a life-changing dining experience. Nobody is going to run to their friends and tell them they have to try the hot dog at Costco.

The Falcons’ loss to the Saints on Sunday was a distillation of everything Cousins is as a quarterback. He really didn’t do anything wrong. Even his lone interception didn’t actually have a bearing on the game due to horrific Saints offensive management on the ensuing drive that saw they throw three-straight pass attempts inside the two minute warning, rather than try to hand off to Alvin Kamara and run out the clock.

However, the difference between Cousins and Derek Carr was explosive plays. The ones that don’t stuff the stat sheet, but actually win games. It’s becoming extremely clear that Cousins just can’t generate this game-changing explosive plays without a receiver who can make him better — and without Justin Jefferson, Cousins’ play is just … flat. Even without someone of Jefferson’ caliber there’s simply no excuse for getting such average results out of Drake London, Darnell Mooney, and Kyle Pitts. Sure, the three combined for 248 yards, but it took 28 targets to get there, and even then the longest reception of the day for Atlanta was a busted coverage 33-yard pass to Mooney.

If this game was a distillation of Cousins, then this play was a further reduction into his base elements.

Even with the game on the line, knowing he would have to throw a touchdown to win the game — Cousins appeared content throwing a checkdown and taking the loss. See, this is the problem, and why Cousins was never going to be able to replicate Tom Brady on the Buccaneers or Matthew Stafford on the Rams to play the role of heroic veteran to put a near-champion over the hump. It’s precisely why a near-champion in Minnesota was relatively accepting that he was going to leave in free agency without a lot of angst.

There are just some basic tenets of football: When you out-gain a team by 103 yards of offense, you should win. When you almost double an opponent in rushing yards with a 5.7 yard-per-carry average, you should win. When you have the better offensive line, better receivers, and are playing a 2-7 opponent who just traded away their best defensive back — you should win.

Sure, there are mitigating factors you can use to make excuses for Kirk Cousins. Younghoe Koo missing three fields goals was atrocious, and in a very real way cost the Falcons the game. But the game was also put on Koo’s increasingly shaky leg because the offense were only 5-for-14 on third down, including 3-for-11 on third down plays where Cousins attempted a pass.

Time and time and time and time and time (repeating) again, a play was dialed up for Cousins on a critical down and distance where the Falcons needed a play — and almost every single time he let them down. That’s a bad trait to have when the No. 1 selling point on coming to Atlanta was that you’d be able to make the plays that Desmond Ridder couldn’t.

Make no mistake, there is zero comparison between Cousins and Ridder as quarterbacks — except a shared trait that neither can make a play when it matters the most. For as flawed and shaky as Derek Carr can be, on Sunday he out-played Cousins because while he didn’t complete as many passes or move the chains as much, what he did do was complete four passes downfield of 30 or more yards, which was the sole reason the Saints won.

Now there’s a lot of soul searching to do for the Falcons. Sure, they’re 6-4 and still in control of the NFC South, but with the Buccaneers at 4-6 and both the Saints and Panthers at 3-7 there’s a very real chance that someone, anyone could come up and supplant Atlanta.

If all the effort and the money in signing Kirk Cousins results in Atlanta not winning the division it will be an abject failure. But that’s what happens when you overpay for a Costco hot dog.

Winner: Kyler Murray and Jonathan Gannon

There’s something happening in Arizona we really shouldn’t ignore. The now 6-and-4 Cardinals are playing sneaky good football, and could really surprise a lot of people as we approach the back-end of the season.

Beating Aaron Rodgers and the hapless Jets isn’t necessarily something to write home about, but how this team is winning is absolutely worth appreciating. Jonathan Gannon’s defensive transformation of the Cardinals has taken shape, and it begins with the secondary. The Gannon defensive has turned safety Budda Baker into a focal piece, and he’s having a profound impact as a do-everything safety who is equally comfortably ensuring the defense doesn’t give up big plays, just as he’s at home playing in the trenches as a blitzing safety.

This is simply a team build around shutting down the pass, ranking 9th in the NFL in passing touchdowns allowed. This unit simply doesn‘t give up big plays, and while Arizona is still a work in progress when it comes to run defense, still this team is built to handle the modern NFL.

That bend-don’t-break defense would be for nothing if not for Kyler Murray on the other side of the ball. Murray has been back in a big way this season, sneakily putting up mammoth numbers outside of Kliff Kingsbury’s Air Raid — which many didn’t think was possible. As it stands Murray is No. 2 in the NFL in passer rating, mixing brilliant decision making with legitimate explosive plays, capping it all off with his running ability.

Keep an eye on Arizona, because the Cards are putting it all together and could really shock people come playoff time.

Loser: Every single person in Chicago responsible for Caleb Williams’ development

There’s no nice way to say this: Caleb Williams sucks right now. That’s not a condemnation of his talent, but as it stands he’s firmly on the Bryce Young trajectory of having his career destroyed by bad coaches in a bad system.

How the hell Matt Eberflus still has this coaching job is beyond me — though there’s some terrifying suggestion that sharing an agent with Bears’ GM Ryan Poles could have a hand in it. While there are some issues like the offensive line which can’t be fixed overnight, there’s also a reality that nobody inside the Bears’ decision making team has any idea how to scheme around the team’s deficiencies.

So we’re left with Williams, being trotted out week-after-week, barely completing 50 percent of his passes, having next-to-no explosive plays, and generally looking the worst of the big three rookie QBs.

We’re left with one of two scenarios:

1. Like early-season Bryce Young, Caleb Williams has forgotten how to play football
2. Absolute idiots are ruining his development, like Bryce Young

Anyone who has seen the Bears knows what’s going on.

Winner: Bryce Young

So let’s counterpoint that with two wins in a row for Bryce Young. While it’s hardly something to write home about when you beat the likes of the Saints and Giants, it’s still important to see Young play mistake-free football with a less-than-ideal receiving corps.

There’s something slowly building in Carolina. We’ll hold off bold predicitions for now, but it appears that this team is starting to put it together.

Winner: Firing Dennis Allen

Saints fans should give Panthers fans an open-mouth kidd today, but no tongue because that would be weird. The loss to Carolina was the straw to break Dennis Allen, and New Orleans looks like a new team.

There’s an edge and competitiveness which has returned with Darren Rizzi leading this team. Heck, there’s a feeling that Saints players enjoy playing football more without Dennis Allen being their coach.

When it comes to New Orleans there’s long-term work to be done, particularly on the roster side — but for now we’re seeing Rizzi make this team competitive again. That’s more than they’ve seen in seven weeks.