Let’s hand out some NFL superlatives before the start of the season.
The beginning of the NFL regular season is just around the corner, and that officially closes the offseason. While most high school graduates had their proms and festivities back before summer, we realized we never had a proper sendoff for the NFL class of 2023.
That said, going back a year is pointless. When it comes to football we’re always looking forward — so instead of having an end of year yearbook, we decided to drop it early. This is our NFL yearbooks superlatives for the 2024 season.
Best all around: San Francisco 49ers
For the last few years, the 49ers have had the most talented roster in football, and this year is no different. Offensively, it’s like a who’s who of the top players in football: RB Christian McCaffrey, LT Trent Williams, TE George Kittle, WRs Brandon Aiyuk and Deebo Samuel. With QB Brock Purdy continuing to grow within the offense, the stars will continue to be stars. Defensively, they’re not as talented as previous years, but LB Fred Warner might not actually be from Earth and EDGE Nick Bosa is looking to rebound from a down year. They have the most talented roster in football, but now it’s time to pay it off with a ring.
Most athletic: Indianapolis Colts
Probably a stunner to most people, but the Colts have drafted and acquired some of the most athletic talents in the NFL. If we’re using Relative Athletic Score (which I am), the average RAS of the Colts is 8.39, beating out the Philadelphia Eagles’ 8.00 by a sizable margin. It shows up on the field, too. Colts GM Chris Ballard has emphasized athleticism in his drafting, and it’s showing up on the field too. Guys like QB Anthony Richardson, RB Jonathan Taylor and CB Juju Brents stand out as some of the top RAS performers on the team.
Most likely to succeed: Kansas City Chiefs
The Kansas City Chiefs are hoping to become the first team in NFL history to win three straight Super Bowls.
But if a team was ever in position to truly pull that feat off, it is Kansas City.
The last team in position to pull off three straight Super Bowl titles? The 2005 New England Patriots. However, their decline that season is perhaps a sign of the peril that can befall a team as talented as Kansas City. Injuries, particularly on the defensive side of the football, derailed New England’s hopes as they were forced to start 45 different players that year, what was at the time a record for a division winner.
Still, they have Patrick Mahomes with some new weapons around him on offense. They ahve one of the league’s best offensive lines, and a defense that played a significant role a season ago. The AFC is loaded and it will not be easy, but they enter the year as our pick for “Most Likely to Succeed.”
Class clown: Keon Coleman
Nobody has made a bigger impact on the NFL’s fun-factor as a rookie than Keon Coleman of the Bills. From grabbing cookies at his introductory press conference, to extolling the virtues of out-of-season shopping at Macy’s — Coleman is part of the league’s Gen-Z who can ball the hell out on the field, while understanding it’s totally fine to be fun off of it.
Coleman is able to take something as basic as a cold chamber and turn it into an unforgettable video.
The man is an absolute delight.
Best couple: Lamar Jackson and Derrick Henry
There are no shortage of options in this category, from C.J. Stroud and Tank Dell, to Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce, and Brock Purdy and Kyle Shanahan. But the new tandem in the Baltimore Ravens’ backfield stands out.
For years the Ravens have made the most of Lamar Jackson’s athletic ability in both the passing game, as well as the running game. But adding Derrick Henry to the mix? That makes this Ravens offense fascinating on paper, with what those two can do together in the running game, and how it might open up big-play opportunities in the passing game.
Most unique: Gardner Minshew
Best dressed: Seattle Seahawks
Maybe it is a matter of personal preference.
Maybe there is a bit of nostalgia at work.
But in Week 1 of the 2024 NFL season, the Seattle Seahawks are busting out these throwbacks for their game against the Denver Broncos:
Fantastic.
Biggest drama king: Aaron Rodgers
Just consider what we have lived through with Aaron Rodgers the past few years.
There was the “will he or won’t he” regarding his departure from Green Bay, which included a stint in a darkness retreat, his usage of ayahuasca, and his eventual announcement of a return to football on the “Pat McAfee Show.” There was his injury last season just four plays into his New York Jets career, the speculation that he might defy the odds and return to the season early, and then the trip to Egypt this year that conflicted with Jets’ minicamp.
Oh and there was even speculation about him joining Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s ticket as his selection for Vice President.
We have no idea how the Jets’ season will play out, but drama is likely to follow.
Best accent: Xavier Legette
Need we say any more than this?
We must protect Xavier Legette at all costs.
Best celebrity lookalike: Travis Kelce as Taylor Swift’s boyfriend
Photo by Gilbert Flores/WWD via Getty Images
Have y’all noticed that Travis Kelce looks EXACTLY like Taylor Swift’s boyfriend? Seriously, it’s eerie. Of course, it’s totally ridiculous to imagine that somehow the tight end of the Kansas City Chiefs would randomly become the significant other of the biggest musician on the planet.
Still, it’s fun to imagine if this were to actually happen.
Worst case of senioritis: Russell Wilson
Russ is in Pittsburgh now, and it really feels like he’s just phoning this all in. Does he need the money? No. Does he feel the pressure to prove the haters wrong? Probably. Does he have the desire to actually do this? Probably not.
Any hype that once existed for a Russell Wilson revenge tour has been overshadowed by the fact that Russ is kind of an afterthought these days. He’ll come in, probably do just fine, and wait for the next stop.
Most changed: Daniel Jones
Remember when he looked like a semblance of an NFL quarterback with a real future, hopes, dreams, and potential? Yeah, that was an eon ago.
