Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images
Do not watch the bad football game. You have agency
We have reached Week 14 of the 2023 NFL season.
Which kicks off tonight on Thursday Night Football when the Pittsburgh Steelers — with Mitchell Trubisky at the helm in place of an injured Kenny Pickett — will host the Bailey Zappe-led New England Patriots, who at 2-10 are facing playoff elimination.
This … is certainly an NFL football game. One with an Over/Under set at 30, reminiscent of a Black Friday game a few weeks ago between Iowa and Nebraska.
Always bet responsibly.
Now, you can watch this game. We are all creatures of habit and when summer gives way to fall, Thursday nights often mean sitting in front of the television and watching some NFL football. However, you have agency. You have options.
And we are here to help.
Here are X things you can do tonight instead of watching Patriots-Steelers.
Finish putting up Christmas decorations
I know for some of us (Ohio here), the weather isn’t always great but submitting to cold, wind, rain or snow to finish up Christmas decorations outside would give you a sense of accomplishment. Watching TNF will only lead to despair.
Read our story about a cross-country skier’s frozen penis
Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that things could be a lot worse than watching Mitchell Trubisky and Bailey Zappe go at each other. Freezing genitalia, for example, which we wrote about here.
Rewatch literally any other Patriots-Steelers game this century
Your body is conditioned to watching football on Thursday night (you poor, poor soul), and you insist on watching the Patriots and Steelers go at each other, may we recommend just going on YouTube or NFL Gamepass to rewatch any other of the teams’ meetings of the past two decades? These two clubs used to have a proud rivalry, you know. Back in the olden days.
Play Starfield
Years in the making, the latest effort from the fine folks at Bethesda Game Studios is their first “new universe” in over 20 years. It is an expansive new universe at that, a game that drops you into the far-flung reaches of space, with over 1,000 planets for you to encounter, explore, and survive.
It is overwhelming, daunting, and at times confusing.
But it is also amazing. From the incredible graphics down to the wide range of things you can do. There are random encounters sprinkled in throughout the universe, and you can live out any space-related fantasy you can imagine. Dreams of exploring the stars? Check. Dreams of becoming a space pirate? Check. Dreams of simply starting little farm on some undiscovered planet? Check. Dreams of encountering historical figures in the reaches of space? Check.
If you have not started Starfield yet, tonight is the perfect night.
Watch other sports
If you simply need to scratch a sporting itch on Thursday night, then you have other options there too! There are two fascinating games on the NBA docket tonight, thanks to the in-season tournament. The first is a semifinal matchup between the Indiana Pacers and the Milwaukee Bucks, which tips off at 5:00 p.m. Eastern on ESPN.
Then later in the night, the Los Angeles Lakers take on the New Orleans Pelicans in the other semifinal, a game which tips off at 9:00 p.m. Eastern on TNT.
There is also a full night of NHL action, and if you feel the need to watch a team from New England that is actually good, the Boston Bruins put their 17-4-3 record on the line at home against the Buffalo Sabres.
Just Press Play
Play through the entire Kingdom Hearts series…the ENTIRE series
Kingdom Hearts is one of the greatest video game series ever. The addition of Disney characters combined with Final Fantasy level animation and fighting style are an attraction to every gamer. However, the series has one little quirk…
The story makes zero sense and you have to play the games in order to understand. There are 13 games over multiple platforms as well as canon events that happen on phone apps, so it should be more than enough for you to get through an amazing series instead of watching these two teams play “football”. Here’s the entire order if you’re so inclined:
Kingdom Hearts X / X Back Cover / Unchained X / Union X
Kingdom Hearts Dark Road
Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep / Final Mix
Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep 0.2: A Fragmentary Passage
Kingdom Hearts / Final Mix
Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories / Re: Chain of Memories
Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days
Kingdom Hearts 2 / Final Mix
Kingdom Hearts Coded / Re: Coded
Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance
Kingdom Hearts 3
Kingdom Hearts 3: ReMind DLC
Kingdom Hearts: Melody of Memory
Good luck, and may your heart be the key.
Prepare for your battle with the sword-wielding Orangutan
There are only 24 days left in the year. If he hasn’t come yet, he will soon. Ready your blade. Make your mind as sharp as steel. Be ready.
Find the One Piece
Read a book
It’s cold in most areas of the United States around this time of year, meaning outside activities are probably a no-go. Which is the perfect time to make some hot cocoa and open up a good book. It can be any book, fiction, nonfiction, graphic novel. I can recommend a few: African Samurai by Geoffrey Girard and Thomas Lockley, Pulphead by John Jeremiah Sullivan and Bitter Root, a comic by David F. Walker.
It’s the perfect time of year to find a good book and get lost in that, instead of losing your mind watching whatever they put on tv tonight.
Follow along with Behind the Steel Curtain and Pats Pulpit
Look, if you simply have to see how this game unfolds, there is an alternative to being glued to a television screen.
Be glued to a different screen!
Our friends at both Behind the Steel Curtain and Pats Pulpit actually have to cover this game. So … imagine what that will be like. Or better yet, don’t imagine, and check in on their sites from time to time. That will leave you to pursue … other things during this game will still keeping tabs on what is sure to be a barnburner.
