Vince McMahon’s new stache is … a lot.
Vince McMahon, the decades-long figurehead of WWE is back in the spotlight with news the wrestling juggernaut is merging with Endeavor, the parent company of the UFC. That, coupled with WrestleMania weekend gave us a chance to see Vince’s new look and hoo boy, is it a look.
The 77-year-old, clearly in the midst of a 9/10ths-life-crisis decided to grow a Clark Gable-esque pencil stache, and hide all his grey with the aide of a can of shoe polish. It’s left him looking a little bit like a testicle that underwent a hasty attempt at manscaping that someone quit in the middle of. Vince now looks like J. Jonah Jamison’s non-union equivalent. McMahon now looks like he’s ready to start his one-man off-Broadway show about the life of John Waters. Vince is out here looking like Gomez Addams, but Gomez was faithful. McMahon has a tiny mustache and looks funny.
We all need someone in our lives to tell us something doesn’t look good. In the 6th grade I buzzed off all my hair because everyone was doing it, and my lumpy-ass white head looked like a mishapen mass of mashed potatoes were plopped on my dome. I’ve never done it since.
In the 9th grade I bleached my hair and dyed it green during a punk rock phase. I looked like Billie Joe Armstrong’s husky Australian stunt double. My best friend told me I should never do it again, and he was correct.
Vince was sporting this stache all weekend and at no point did anyone say “here’s a razor, kill the caterpillar, dude.” Instead they actually allowed this man to go on live TV to discuss the sale of his company looking like the salesman of a 1973 Datsun 1200 that he turned the odometer back on with a screwdriver.
Someone come save grandpa from himself.
