Bijan Robinson has his own mustard and you’re not ready for the ad

Can you handle Bijan’s dijon?

Bijan Robinson is already looking to diversify his income, and the Falcons running back found the perfect way — with his own brand of mustard. In case you were wondering: Yes, it does have a fictional quarterback throwing a hot dog spiral into a bun, thank you for asking.

I’m in awe of how self-aware and intentionally corny this ad is. The only misstep here is calling it “Bijan Mustardon,” when BIJAN’S DIJON WAS RIGHT THERE!

If you visit his mustard-based website there’s a new symphony of information available about the passion that went into creating the condiment.

“Throughout his formative years, Bijan scored touchdowns everywhere, mostly on the football field via football. By 2022, Bijan had scored touchdowns in every way, shape, and form. Running and receiving. Stiff arming and juking. Even occasionally passing. The only place he hadn’t scored a touchdown was his taste buds.

So Bijan did what everyone expected Bijan to do: Create his own gourmet dijon mustard and call it Bijan Mustardson. With the help of top-quality chefs, Bijan made a mustard that was so good, it tasted like a touchdown. It was then he knew, pending production timelines, mouth touchdowns for everyone would be a mustard-purchase away.”

It gets better, because he sells mustard-scented candles too, with the greatest disclaimer in history.

I’m a Panthers fan, so it pains me to support anything Atlanta — but I have to throw all my weight behind Bijan’s mustard. He might be on the verge of becoming the greatest player in NFL history.