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Oscar nominations if everything was NFL football

From Taylor Swift to Skip Bayless, these awards have it all.

It’s Oscar season, and to be honest we’re feeling a little left out. Our entertainment writing brethren get to talk about nods, snubs and the miscarriage of cinema justice — while we’re stuck with arguments over whether Brock Purdy is elite.

The NFL has more than enough drama to have its own Academy Awards, so we sat down as a panel to agree on the best examples of each category in the sport.

Best picture: Football (Taylor’s Version)

Photo by David Eulitt/Getty Images

It’s not for everyone, but there’s no double that Football (Taylor’s Version) took the NFL by storm this year.

Best actor: Skip Bayless for Throwing My Cowboys’ Gear Away or Frustrations With An Automatic Trash Can

I am DONE with these gutless, heartless, playoff frauds.pic.twitter.com/IKYYHb2HZD

— Skip Bayless (@RealSkipBayless) January 15, 2024

A scintillating performance that starts being the worst acting job of the year, and then becomes a tale of one man’s struggles with technology.

Best supporting actor: Dom DiSandro for Big Dom’s Wild Ride

Photo by Kyle Ross/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Everyone needs a director of security who is willing to fight anyone, and everyone for his team.

Best director: Mike McDaniel, The Swaggy Nerd

Photo by Megan Briggs/Getty Images

Mike McDaniel’s Miami glow up has turned him into a weird poker player.

International film: Role Player’s Delight by the weird British NFL fans

I was unprepared for the camera to pan to this person pic.twitter.com/V1NLn0uxHS

— Carbie (@nuclearcarly) October 8, 2023

This horror movie caught us all off guard and rocked us to our core.

Visual effects: The Detroit Lions, for Sam LaPorta’s trick play

Razzle dazzle for the @Lions touchdown!

Sam LaPorta’s second of the day ️

: #CARvsDET on FOX
: Stream on #NFLPlus https://t.co/LxW25sxi72 pic.twitter.com/1zVnHJioPD

— NFL (@NFL) October 8, 2023

Just beautiful work here.

Costume design: New York Jets players Jermaine Johnson, Will McDonald, and Bryce Huff for A Naruto Halloween

Here comes the Akatsuki. ⚔️

: #NYJvsNYG — 1pm ET on CBS
: Stream on #NFLPlus pic.twitter.com/ca7LYOy7E0

— NFL (@NFL) October 29, 2023

The Akatsuki have never looked so good.

Animated short: CJ Stroud and the Texans, Squabble

Can confirm C.J. Stroud likes to Squabble.

: #TBvsHOU on CBS
: Stream on #NFLPlus https://t.co/d4RDZpcMkc pic.twitter.com/laMpNaKoej

— NFL (@NFL) November 5, 2023

You know a celebration is good when everyone in the NFL starts doing it as soon as you debut it. The Squabble is now synonymous with Stroud and the Texans.

Animated feature: Miami Dolphins for Rollercoaster

It was the seatbelts for us pic.twitter.com/zMBkcIxDbt

— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) December 3, 2023

This captured the childlike glee and imagination of a day at the theme park in a way no other celebration did.

Editing: The Lions and Chargers for Splicing Austin Ekeler into a Lions sandwich

Photo by Harry How/Getty Images

Putting this together is takes craft and skill. Really captured the anguish of the moment.

Best Makeup and hair: Andy Reid in Journaux d’une Moustache Gelée (Diaries of a Frozen Mustache)

Andy Reid frozen mustache update: pic.twitter.com/ipkzpwKcoo

— NFL (@NFL) January 14, 2024

It looks so real that it might as well be real ice.

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