‘Please, let’s not get a divorce,’ brought to you by the D-Backs and Cold Stone Creamery

This has to be the worst jumbotron message ever, right?

The list of good ideas for messages on a jumbotron at a sporting event is very short. It’s adorable when a child gets a birthday wish and feels famous for a moment. It’s sweet to share an anniversary with thousands of people. It absolutely should not be this… ever.

Far be it from me to assume what happened between Alexandria W and whoever paid for this, but it feels like a last-ditch attempt to save a relationship. That’s really the only conceivable reason you’d say “Let’s keep fighting for us?” I honestly, truly hope this is just a joke — because if this couple is in a stable relationship and this pops on the screen it’s hilarious. If their relationship is on the rocks, then the only thing possibly worse than having Cold Stone sponsor your Hail Mary to save a relationship would be getting Stone Cold to record a cameo begging Alexandria to take this person back.

I haven’t even addressed the “you are my person.” I swear to God, I have a visceral reaction to people who speak like this in real life. It’s always those people you have a Facebook who front like they have the most perfect relationship, posting endlessly about how great “my person is,” then before you know it they’re sharing an FB account and then they split up.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where your relationship is in a place where you need to beg your significant other to “keep fighting,” I suggest you take the money and spend it on couples’ therapy. Not putting this on a jumbotron.