These are just so dumb.
Whining to the federal government about the Super Bowl halftime show has become as much of a tradition as the game itself. It’s a chance for boomers to crack their knuckles and wrinkle their confused brains about music they don’t understand, focusing their white-hot anger at bureaucrats to fire off emails about how they don’t like modern music, black people — and oftentimes both.
This week the FCC released the 125 complaints about Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl halftime show and we read through all of them so you don’t have to, picking out the absolute stupidest ones. If you wrote one of these then you’re bad, and you should feel bad.
From Columbia, North Carolina
“This have time show is racist there is only African American people in it no Caucasian people in the performance that is racist promoting that one race is superior to another which is not only in ethical it’s illegal.”
Every interaction should be a learning experience, so here goes:
- Halftime, not “have time”
- Unethical, not “in ethical”
From Indiana, Alabama
“this is horrible the half time show should have good music not this junk you are catering to certain people and many people hate this just music get someone that actually has music people listen too get someone like madona. and i think that its racist that there arent any white people in this event. why cant we get some mixed culture in the show. also you could get someone like zack top he has music thats blowing up. there are many great artest that have better music than this guy.”
I mean absolutely not offense to the musician Zach Top, whom I had to look up to find out who this person even is — but I have to disagree with the term “blowing up.” His last album peaked at No. 4 on the U.S. country charts. In addition, I think die hard fans of Zach Top should probably know how to spell Zach Top.
From Fuck off, California
“Your halftime show was a joke. Thank god America brought Trump back to shut you idiots down. Kendrick Lamar isn’t real talent and all you woke ass sheep aren’t talented and are absolutely garbage. I hope you feel as stupid as everyone saw you as. Worst halftime show ever. GOD BLESS AMERICA, HIS WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN. THANK GOD FOR TRUMP AND VANCE. FUCK THE NFL AND ITS WOKE AGENDA. I bet you support p diddy and his pedophilia bullshit. “
I got nothing. Hope you enjoy Thanksgiving alone this year.
From Fort Wayne, Indiana
“The half time show was AWFUL. Who listens and UNDERSTANDS what they are saying. I’m a professional musician and I find this very insulting.”
Call it a hunch, but if you’re a professional musician who can’t appreciate or understand rap music, even on just a academic level, then it probably explains why you’re still performing in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
From Eufuala, Oklahoma
“Complete disgust horrible horrible horrible half time show why do u get a person you can actually understand pure filth won’t watch anymore wast of my time”
My favorite part of this specific complaint is that the sender specifically targeted the regional internet company “Vyve Broadband,” as if they specifically organized the Super Bowl halftime show.
From Daytona Beach, Florida
“I want to know why is it that there was not one white person involved???? I felt d discriminated against and why was uncle Sam Black when uncle Sam is white? I felt very discriminated. It made me feel very uncomfortable. It went from happy Super Bowl game to a very disappointed halftime show making me feel very disappointed in my country making me feel very sad and disgusted and very sad and unhappy, even though I have a mixed family, it made me feel even worse about myself being white you made me feel worse than ever and I want to know why is it ok for us white to be called racist and then the Super Bowl turn around and make us feel this way and not include any white people and I have to explain that to my nieces and nephews and kids!!! I am not happy at all . “
Obviously we know this person is just lying, but I still like to imagine a scenario where a heartbroken family needs to have an in-depth talk in the middle of the Super Bowl about why there wasn’t a white performer at the halftime show.
From Glen Allen, Virginia
This was the absolute worst halftime show. My complaint is that the FCC and the NFL are racist. They are racists because of the continued patronage toward black music artist.
The phrase “They are racists because of the continued patronage toward black music artist” should be hung in the moron Louvre.
From Whiting, Indiana
“The halftime show was completely inappropriate and Kendrick shouldn’t have been allowed to perform not like us given the explicit content and defamation suit “
We found Drake’s burner.
From Richmond, Virginia
“Really not suitable for family viewing, extremely disappointing. You should rate that as “R” because my children are asking if those words are ok to say at school.”
Your kids aren’t asking if they can say those words at school. Stop lying, Richmond.
From Tucson, Arizona
“Stop putting rap in the halftime shows. We hate it!!!! Why not put accomplished musicians in the show who can actually sing. Matchbox 20, Rolling Stones, Adele, Sammy Hagar, Marc Anthony, Dua Lipa, Elton John, Harry Styles. Please give us a better show instead of letting rappers choose rappers every year. Enough already!!!”
Yes, give the people what they want. Matchbox 20 … in the year of our lord 2025.
From Cincinnati, Ohio
“The haft time show was the worst show in the history of the Super Bowl! You couldn’t understand them raping which isn’t singing! There were no white people on the stage and at last count black people only make up 18% of the US population.”
Please teach this person how to spell “rapping.”
From Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania
“Although I could not understand a word of the performance, I do know they were trying to bad mouth the Trump Administration. I highly suggest that someone review what is being sung or said during halftime. People want to be entertained. There is no reason to have someone give their opinions. Over half the country voted for President Trump. You should respect that.”
I had no idea what was being said, but I KNOW it supports my biases.
From Sandyville, West Virginia
“The performance by Kendrick Lemar was pure and udder filth. He should be fined to the highest extent of the law of violating the FCC standards and be banned from any future televised performance.”
Instead of mocking this person I think they need help with this udder filth problem. According to several blogs the best way to clean cow udders is with a mild dish soap, warm water, and a clean towel. It’s also important to wipe from the top of the udder to the tip, rather than the other way around.
From Beverly Hills, California
“Kendrick lamar made fake false and scandalous claims that are unfounded. He sd drake was a pedophile on TV in front of million of ppl, do better, this is a sad day ,when some performer can tell.ppl your a sex offender when there is no victim, no claims if anyone being a victim. You should b sued.”
We found Drake’s other burner.
At least we can appreciate this king from Canton, Georgia
“My complaint is that the performance was not long enough”
Totally agree.
