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We have some suggestions.
The Washington Commanders appear to be on the verge of rebranding … again. Now that Dan Snyder is FINALLY out of the picture, the new ownership group led by Josh Harris is wanting to truly make a fresh start to turn a new page.
Magic Johnson, who is part of the team’s new ownership group, confirmed rumors with an appearance on TODAY, saying that the team would explore changing the name after the 2023 NFL season, making the team’s third name change in the last decade.
We’re all for it. Erase the entire Dan Snyder era from existence. We have some ideas on where the organization should go from here.
Washington Sentinels
Be honest. If you are flipping channels on a random Saturday afternoon and you come across The Replacements, you are stopping and watching. Admit it, it’s okay, you are among friends here.
Besides, some of us even have a Shane Falco jersey hanging in our closets …
Washington Red Tails
Prior to the switch to the Commanders, momentum was building for the new name to be the Washington Red Tails, or Washington Redtails, as a way of honoring the Tuskegee Airmen, the first all-Black Air Force squadron during World War II. While the surviving members of that squadron are of mixed minds regarding such a name, those who expressed concern wondered if the NFL franchise was worthy of such a name.
Still, it would be a great way to pay tribute to some of WWII’s heroes.
Washington War Pigs
So, if Washington wants to pay homage to the Hogs, their famed offensive line in earlier years, they can do so in the name. However, Razorbacks are already kind of a thing (shoutout to Arkansas) and Red Hogs are…let’s just say don’t look that up. So how about we come to a happy medium with War Pigs. Pigs of war sound awesome, because low key wild pigs are frightening animals, and you get to make the name intense but also not extremely goofy.
Washington Football Team
I don’t know man, I kinda liked Football Team. Sure the jokes were funny, but the Washington Football team just has a pretty nice ring to it. It’s similar to professional soccer clubs, but it would be pretty cool for the NFL to adopt it for one of their teams. In addition, the logos that Washington had when they were the Football Team weren’t half bad as well, so you can trot those back out and it would make a lot of sense. It seems like every name Washington really wants is taken, so why not go back to the meme, but make the meme your own?
Washington Owls
You know what are cool? Owls. I don’t have a great reason why Washington should become the Owls — but I just think they’re neat birds. Also they have long legs under their feathers and look like hilarious stilt-chickens when their plumage is lifted.
Owls are sleek, they hunt silently. They’re basically the stealth bombers of the avian world. There’s something poignant about going from the loud, brash, obnoxious Dan Snyder to picking a name that evokes just shutting up and getting shit done.
Washington Senators
The only thing NFL fans love more than their own team is being hated by everyone else. It’s fuel for the soul. “Us against the world” is a mantra that has fueled a great many runs, and what better way than to fully embrace the villainy and become something everyone hates: Politicians.
When it comes to Washington D.C. it’s a hand-meets-glove situation. It’s evocative of what people think of when they consider the nation’s capital.
What’s more American than being a failed lifetime politician because you know you can secure an appointment by making behind-the-scenes deals with lobbyists and preying on the unfounded fears of your constituents?
Washington Red Hawks
Was this all just a massive ruse to get a One Piece reference in here?
Perhaps, but naming your football team after an anime move is dope as hell and more teams should do it.
Washington All Mights
If JP gets to make an anime reference, then so do I.
All Might is the perfect embodiment of America. I’ll spare you my treatise on the absolute brilliance of his character in My Hero Academia and why it’s one of the greatest representations of the crumbling American Dream since Death of a Salesman, but let’s do something the NFL just isn’t: Be cool.
You want to appeal to a younger generation? Put anime in it. Immediately it would make the team the most popular in the league amongst youths, and NOBODY is going to think about Dan Snyder for a second after you make your logo All Might.
Have him yell “WASHINGTON SMASH” whenever they score a TD and we’re printing money, people.
