This entire sexy M&M culture war is all a Super Bowl commercial stunt, right?

What a time to be alive.

If you thought 2022 was off the rails, well, 2023 has something to say about that. On Monday M&M’s decided to respond to Fox News’ Tucker Carlson, who has been struggling with a new reality that he’s no longer turned on by cartoon chocolate, ever since they stopped making the green M&M have sexy boots in January of last year.

So we’re getting Maya Rudolph stepping in as the new spokesperson of M&Ms, which honestly I’m fine with — because I love Maya Rudolph. That said, this is so transparently laying the groundwork for their Super Bowl commercial it defies belief.

I wish we really didn’t have to give credence to every minute-filling, nightly news segment designed to get viewers all hot and bothered over the end of the glory days when you could crank your hog to a piece of chocolate and nobody would call you weird — but here we are.

If you’re a candy-shelled lump of chocolate then you’re looking for every edge you can get as we approach Super Bowl season, and I guess having Maya Rudolph talk about a green M&’s sexy boots with a gas stove blaring in the background is the future we’ve earned.