A unlikely meeting of the minds.
Sean Stellato the larger-than-life agent for Giants quarterback Tommy DeVito was at The Vatican today to meet with Pope Francis. Why did he get an audience with the pope? Honestly, nobody really knows — but there’s photographic evidence to prove these two met.
What these two men have to discuss is beyond comprehension, but we did our best to come up with some ideas.
Let’s caption this …
“You represent DeVito? I love him in the Always Sunny in Philadelphia”
“I loved you in Jury Duty, Mr. Pauly Shore”
“They say ‘Your Holiness, someone from the NFL is here to see you,’ and I think ‘Ooh, it’s Travis Kelce. I love that guy,’ or ‘maybe it’s Tom Brady?’ But no, Tommy DeVito’s agent is much better. This is good. This is fine.”
“So if I’m hearing right Tommy got beat out by a gawky doofus who went to a methodist university?”
“No. No. Is not ‘cutlets,’ it’s ‘pollo alla parmigiana’ you peasant.”
“It’s nice of you to see me, my son. But Jamie Taco: You shouldn’t steal people’s lines.”
“I remember you! You sold me used Fiat in Buenos Aires in 1977. Good to see you again!”
“Tommy needs to get a better job of working to his third read. And there are times his footwork does not synch up with the route concepts so it throws the timing off.” — Yes there is a world in my head where Pope Francis is a huge Xs and Os guru and has taken note of where Tommy DeVito needs to improve his game.
“No I cannot do anything about a Daniel Jones trade.”
“Explain to me, my son. If you call it ‘football’ then why no kicking?”
“I’m actually a Saints fan. HAHAHAHA just kidding. I would never support those losers”
“Sorry, but we’ll need a little more than 1,101 passing yards and eight touchdowns to consider Tommy for sainthood.”
“I watched Tommy making cutlets and I was disappointed to see that he does not double bread his cutlets. You need to tell him to double bread the cutlets. He’s a nice young man but I need to see some double breading.”
“Laces out, right?”
