18 things Jake Haener looks like, because he sure doesn’t look like an NFL QB

A man of many talents.

The Saints are being forced to make a switch at QB after Derek Carr sustained an injury to his non-throwing hand, and Jake Haener is getting the nod. It comes with the realization that nobody in the history of sports has looked less like an athlete than Jake Haener.

Need more proof?

1. Jake Haener looks like an actor playing a quarterback in a Hallmark movie
2. Haener is only able to start Sunday because someone took his shift at Hollister
3. I’m 90% sure this is one of the bartenders on Vanderpump Rules
4. I could have sworn Jake Haener was one of the male models who died in Derek Zoolander’s tragic gasoline fight incident
5. Haener has an OnlyFans, but it’s just until he pays off his student loans
6. Jake Haener bartends Saturday nights at #ClubSwet. He is prepared to take his shirt off for tips
7. Haener is a dermatologist on TikTok
8. Jake Haener is the guy who always eats brunch and writes Yelp reviews about each restaurant
9. He’s a sassy employee at GAP who shit-talks every customer when they’re not watching
10. Jake Haener is the best wedding planner in Nashville
11. Haener has a niche, but successful podcast exclusively on Sex and the City
12. Jake Haener was voted “Most Likely to Say ‘Slay’” in his high school yearbook
13. He’s a nepo baby who took over his family’s Fiat dealership
14. Jake Haener is a personal chef on a yacht
15. Jake Haener is still trying to work out what “FroYo” means
16. Jake Haener entered a Jake Haener lookalike contest and lost
17. He’s a fireman who only joined the department to be in the calendar
18. Jake Haener plays Vincent Stone on the hit soap opera One Day at a Time