A wizened, all-seeing being gazes longingly at the youthful spirit that has pinged on the edges of his radar. The being is drawn to this spirit. Day and night, night and day the being imagines all the ways that he will utilize the spirit’s vitality. The being has traveled from fairway to a snowy metropolis in order to get a closer look at the youth.
No, I am not talking about the 2024 gothic horror film Nosferatu. I’m of course talking about the 2025 NFL combine, where wizened, all-seeing football executives descend upon Indianapolis hoping to find their next draft pick.
Now that you brought it up though, one cannot help but think about how the combine and the Robert Eggers film intersect. Both are stories of longing and love, in dramatically different ways. Here is how to understand the most intriguing prospects at this year’s combine through the lens of Nosferatu. Slight spoilers ahead.
Nosferatu/Universal Pictures
The ‘This Dude Terrifies Me’ Award
Nicholas Hoult’s character, Thomas, arrives at a castle believing he was on the doorstep of obtaining life-changing riches. In this moment inside the castle, Thomas realizes his life is about to change but not in a good way.
Texas A&M’s Shemar Stewart would scare the shit out of me if I was a team picking in the top half of the draft. From a size-length-speed-strength standpoint, the defensive end prospect should be a top 5 pick with a long-armed, twitchy 6’5” 280 pound frame. Our own JP Acosta says Stewart has star potential.
But from a production standpoint, Stewart is a day 3 prospect. The former Aggie had just 4.5 sacks and 12 TFL across his entire 3 year career. There aren’t many examples of a pass rusher producing so little in college becoming a force in the NFL. It has happened – Travon Walker, Danielle Hunter, Odafe Oweh show it’s possible. Still, it is a terrifying prospect to take a prospect to rush the passer who has never actually rushed the passer.
Nosferatu/Universal Pictures
The ‘Count Orlok Sees Blood’ Award
Right before Thomas/Hoult makes that expression of pure terror, he cuts his hand with a knife while at the dinner table with Count Orlok. Our guy Orly’s interest peaked, to say the least.
I’m Orlok, and what I’m seeing is the potential oozing from Alabama linebacker Jihaad Campbell. The top line adjectives used to describe Campbell equal up to untapped potential: versatile, productive, athletic and young.
The 6’3” 244 former edge player moved to offball linebacker and became a dominant playmaker with 117 tackles, 12 TFL, 5 sacks, 1 INT and 2 FF this past season. Bruce Feldman from The Athletic reports Campbell is expected to run in the 4.4s. And most tantalizing? Campbell literally turned 21-years-old today. The former Bama star was competing and dominating in a world for 6th-year seniors.
Nosferatu/Universal Pictures
The ‘Bad Scout’ Award
You don’t need to know much about Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s character Friedrich Harding other than he’s a dummy. He is presented with evidence that something is happening. Shown direct examples of the result of that behavior. And yet, he chooses not to believe his eyes.
The anti-Malaki Starks crowd is Friedrich Harding. Believe your eyes people! Starks falls in line with ‘positional value deficient’ prospects like Kyle Hamilton, Brock Bowers and Brian Branch. AKA preternaturally productive athletes that happen to play the wrong position.
In the first game of Starks’ career at Georgia, the then-true freshman safety made an immediate impact totalling 8 tackles and intercepting Oregon starting QB Bo Nix, who at the time was about twice Starks’ age. Since that game, the three year starter on Georgia’s vaunted defense has been one of the premier defensive players in all of college football.
But unfortunately he’s a safety, one whose measurements (6’1” 205) don’t scream freak athlete. Like Freidrich Harding in Nosferatu, the rest of the NFL will be cursed when they let him slide all the way to pick number 32 overall where Howie Roseman and the Eagles will be waiting to reunite Starks with his fellow Georgia North brethren.
Nosferatu/Universal Pictures
The ‘I’d Bite Off A Pigeon’s Head For Him’ Award
In Nosferatu, that guy right there is moments away from biting off a pigeon’s head. Now I could’ve chosen a screengrab of him literally sinking his teeth into the dusty gray feathers of a live pigeon. But even I have standards. This man, a real estate extraordinaire named Herr Knock, is let’s say very supportive of Count Orlok. The pigeon biting incident was meant to show his passionate feelings towards the Count.
I feel that exact same way about Penn State TE Tyler Warren. 6’6” 261 pound uber-athlete, his measurables and movement abilities are essentially in the range of New England Patriots legend Rob Gronkowski except if Gronk could run wildcat QB. Warren rushed for 4 touchdowns and 218 yards, averaging 8.4 yards a carry.
He lined up all over the field for Penn State, calling him a tight end is like calling Brock Bowers a tight end. Warren’s versatility extended to parts unknown, including starting a play by snapping the ball and ending with him catching a 32 yard touchdown. My hope is he ends up in San Francisco and seeing Kyle Shanahan turn Warren into a jumbo Deebo Samuel.
Nosferatu/Universal Pictures
The ‘I’m Going To Need a Closer Look’ Award.
We are told that the true value of the scouting combine is the medical reports. This is the first time NFL teams can get an up close medical examination of the top prospects in the draft.
The medical report that will have me diving in like Willem Dafoe’s character Albin Eberhart von Franz into a rat-chewed diseased corpse is Ohio State tackle prospect Josh Simmons. At one point, Simmons was projected to go off the board as the first tackle in the draft.
But a knee injury in October of this past season makes him the wild card in the first round. If the medicals are good, a team can steal value by grabbing Simmons later than they would’ve had a chance to if he was healthy. If his medicals look iffier than that dead body on the image above, he could fall dramatically down board with an unusually talented crop of OT options in this year’s class.
Nosferatu/Universal Pictures
The ‘They’re Talking About Him, Quietly’ Award
When it comes to William & Mary Charles Grant, you can imagine the hushed tones fellow scouts speak in when talking about the offensive tackle prospect.
Did you hear that he was an all-state wrestler in high school, but never took football seriously until college?
I hear he has a legit 7-foot wingspan.
His college coach says Grant hurdled a guy in practice.
Yeah well I heard they clocked him running over 21 mph.
Yes, Grant is intriguing. A three year starter at William & Mary, the 6’4” 300 pounds is long, athletic and yes, comes with that wrestling background offensive line coaches love to see. Grant is the proverbial ‘ball of clay’ that teams will pay up for the potential to mold.
Nosferatu/Universal Pictures
The ‘Doomed and Doesn’t Know It’ Award
The man with his face in the shadows is our friend, Herr Knock, who before I mentioned BITES OFF THE HEAD OF A LIVE PIGEON. This scene here takes place earlier in the film when we are a tad less suspicious of him. Here Knock is sending our friend Thomas/Hoult on a journey to get a reclusive count to sign a deed to a new property. If you’ve followed along in this article, you know things don’t go great for Thomas/Hoult.
This award goes to whichever prospects end up with the Jacksonville Jaguars. I am sorry DUUUVAAALLLL but combining the youngest front office-coaching group with bad ownership is a recipe for disaster.
Sean McVay ruined the NFL by being so good as a coach at such a young age, that it made NFL owners believe they should get their own McVay. Some owners approach hiring coaches the same way a weirdo would message someone ‘A/S/L’ on AOL Instant Messenger. Except A/S/L stands for Age (under 40), System (McVay or Shanahan) and Location (how close you stood next to McVay or Shanahan). Like young Thomas in Nosferatu, it feels like Liam Coen and crew are being unknowingly sent to slaughter at the altar of a long-running destructive force.
