Who says no?
The United Kingdom is in turmoil. There’s a monarch change for the first time in 70 years, rising inflation, and a rotating door of prime ministers who can’t stay in office. Liz Truss is out as PM, lasting only 44 days in the job.
Our allies need a pep talk. They need to rally. We need to reach across the pond and support them in their time of need, and a cultural exchange is exactly what’s required. When you’re looking for a leader you want someone hard-working, bold, who can turn things around — and it’s afraid of grinding to make sure the job is done. There’s only one man for the job …
It’s time for us to send in Urban. It’s the world’s shittiest reboot of Ted Lasso we require. As horrible as Meyer is as a leader, he still lasted 336 days with the Jaguars, which is 7.6 times longer than Truss’ reign. So Urban at his worst is still better than the what the torries have on offer, and I think he can fumble through the cultural differences long enough to be mildly charming, or at least as charming as Urban Meyer can ever be.
Now look, I know you’re thinking “this is stupid. Meyer has absolutely none of the experience required to be the leader of the UK.” Au, contraire dear reader:
Knows how to win: Urban and the Jaguars won in England in 2021, and it was the first “home” win of the season. Meyer already considers London home, and knows how how to win there.
Will make tough cabinet appointments: Signed Tim Tebow despite it defying all logic, which made no football sense — but it made the Jags a ton of merch money. That’s fiscal responsibility.
Understands medical needs: Will walk away from anything and blame health reasons. This is a great selling point for the NIH and the importance of socialized healthcare.
All about that grind: Obviously.
Used to handling scandals: Meyer is uniquely capable of dealing with any assaults on his character. Boris Johnson floundered around, flubbing his way through explaining his Covid wine parties, Urban would absolutely be able to spin them into a positive for the British people.
The biggest thing here is that the sporting relationship between our two great nations has never been stronger. The NFL is working overtime to push the sport in the U.K, and they’re having huge success. Influential people from all over England are noticing football and celebrating it.
I’m not suggesting Urban is a long term solution, because he’s never been a long term solution anywhere. What I am saying, is that he can keep the U.K. steady while they build their confidence and get their house back in order. This is simply us pitching in, throwing our hat in the ring for a little bit, and giving our friends a perfect fall guy who can be a lightning rod for criticism without issue, because the man is without shame.
Urban Meyer has been away too long. It’s time for him to return, but not to Nebraska or some college job in need of a coach. He needs to go further. Think bigger. Dream further. It’s time for Urban Meyer to become the prime minister of the United Kingdom.
If I’m being honest, this entire suggestion is basically revenge on England for sending us James Corden.
