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The NFC South is only for sickos.
The Atlanta Falcons are in sole possession of first place in the NFC South with a powerful record of … 4-4. For years the NFC South has been football’s funniest, least-predictable division — but 2022 has taken that to new heights of absurdity which has left all four teams in some form of building, rebuilding, soul searching, or a combination of all three.
It’s been 20 years since the NFC South was formed, and in that time the division has seen some of the most staggering highs, and hilarious lows in the NFL. There have been three Super Bowl Champions, six teams making it to the Super Bowl itself, nine teams earning wild card spots, and one of only three times in the history of the league a team has won their division with a losing record — which the Carolina Panthers did in 2014 when they won the NFC South with a 7-8-1 record.
You have to be a real sicko to watch the NFC South week in, week out. It requires levels of self-loathing and a penchant for self-flagellation which hasn’t been seen since The Da Vinci Code. The only requirement to supporting a team in the NFC South is hating your own team more than any other, and there’s an endless supply of fodder to whip yourself with.
I’m a strong proponent in the idea that every NFL fan should have a second favorite team in the NFC South — because it’s going to make you eternally optimistic about your own team by comparison. It’s like taking a bite of a moist, gas station sandwich after eating one that came out of a dumpster: Everything tastes better by comparison.
The best part is that we have every possible failing archetype represented inside of one division, so you can pick your own that takes the worst traits of your favorite team and dials them up to 11:
Atlanta Falcons: The plucky losers who are doing better than anyone expected and are sure to blow it down the stretch just as fans begin to have hope.
Carolina Panthers: A completely lost organization who can’t decide whether to blow up their roster or compete, so they’re doing both at the same time and playing themselves out of a top draft pick.
New Orleans Saints: The cash-strapped, cap-botched organization with fans who are far too overconfident in their ability with Andy Dalton at the helm.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The checked-out, aging franchise led by a divorcee who are in the process of a midlife crisis.
The key to understanding the NFC South is that it’s never about winning the NFC South. This isn’t a division that testes skill or mettle, but rather an exercise in sucking just a little less than those around you. That’s the credo of the division, and one its teams are happy to take part in. Every now and then they’ll show some pretense of sustained success, but don’t worry — it won’t last for very long. Ask the Saints, who became the first team in the history of the division to win four times in a row, only to be bounced in the playoffs each time. Meanwhile the Buccaneers won a wild card in 2020, and went on to win the Super Bowl.
Dynasties don’t belong here. Hope should always be fleeting. The NFC South is best consumed as an outsider, so it won’t suck all your energy into the vortex of its black hole and ensure no light can escape it. Eat Arby’s.
