Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports
Bill Belichick may be many things, but he is not these things
Bill Belichick is many things.
He is the head coach of the New England Patriots, and in that role he has won six Super Bowl titles. In a prior life he was one of the NFL’s best defensive coordinators, and was a part of two Super Bowl-winning teams while with the New York Giants. That gives Belichick the NFL record for the most Super Bowl wins as an individual, with eight.
He is also the current general manager of the Patriots, and before it all began, he graduated from Wesleyan University (CT) with a degree in economics. He has been spoofed in South Park, Family Guy, and The Simpsons. He has a Bon Jovi song — “Bounce” —based on him.
Belichick is a man of many talents.
But as he has made clear over the years, there are some things that he is not.
An expert in footballs, an expert in football measurements, or Mona Lisa Vito
During the “Deflategate” saga of 2015, when the NFL conducted an investigation into whether the Patriots and Tom Brady were using deflated footballs in an attempt to gain a competitive advantage, Belichick made it clear that he was a football coach, not anything else.
The head coach delivered an impromptu press conference on Saturday, January 24, 2015, ahead of Super Bowl XLIX, where the Patriots would defeat the Seattle Seahawks. In that incredible presser, Belichick made a few things clear.
“I am not a scientist, an expert in footballs,” said Belichick. But that was right before he dove into a detailed explanation of the Ideal Gas Law: “Now we all know that air pressure is a function of the atmospheric conditions. It’s a function of that. So if there’s activity in the ball relative to the rubbing process, I think that explains why, when we gave them to the officials, and the officials put it at, let’s say 12.5 (PSI), that once the ball reached its equilibrium state it was closer to 11.5,” added Belichick moments later.
He then added one of his greatest press-conference quips.
“I am not Mona Lisa Vito.”
A stunning reference to My Cousin Vinny, and the character portrayed by Marisa Tomei in a role that won her an Academy Award:
A doctor
As an NFL coach, you are forced to handle lots of questions about player injuries.
It is part of the job, for coach and reporter alike, but it is certainly not a part of the job that Belichick enjoys.
He made that clear a few months after his “Mona Lisa Vito” performance. The following season, with Brady suspended for the first four games, the Patriots turned to Jimmy Garoppolo to start the year. But when Garoppolo suffered an injury in the second game of the season, Patriots beat writers were wondering if Garoppolo would be under center on a short week against the Houston Texans, or if it would be rookie Jacoby Brissett.
“I’m a football coach,” Belichick said. “I’m not a doctor. The medical staff is the medical staff. I coach the team. The medical people handle the injuries. They don’t call plays. I don’t do surgery. We have a great deal there. Works out good.”
Belichick made that clear again last year, facing questions about quarterback Mac Jones and his high ankle sprain. While leaning on the “day-to-day” refrain, the head coach had this to say about his second-year quarterback: “Day. By. Day. What do I look like — a doctor? An orthopedic surgeon? I don’t know. Talk to the medical experts. Day by day. We’ll evaluate him day by day. What difference does it make to me? Do you think I’m going to read the MRI? That’s not my job.”
Bill Belichick: Not a doctor.
On SnapFace
Belichick is also not an avid user of social media.
In January of 2017, after the Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers to advance to the AFC Championship game where they would meet the Patriots, then-Pittsburgh wide receiver Antonio Brown posted to Facebook Live head coach Mike Tomlin’s postgame speech in the locker room. Many believed it would become instant bulletin board material for New England.
Asked about that the following Monday on Boston sports radio, Belichick brushed it aside as only he can.
“As you know, I’m not on SnapFace and all that, so I don’t really get those. I’m really just worried about getting our team ready to go,” Belichick said on WEEI. “I’m not really too worried about what they put on InstantChat, or whatever it is.”
However, the idea that Belichick would find a way to use the comments to motivate his locker room was not off-base.
After all, he is an expert in parade routes.
In Madden
Anyone who has picked up Madden over the years has noticed something.
An absence of Belichick.
Due to NFL licensing between the league and EA Sports, only coaches who are members of the National Football League Coaches Association are eligible to be in Madden.
Belichick is not a member, and as such he has not been in the game since 2005.
Some have tried to figure out why, including Dan Wetzel back in 2012 in a piece for Yahoo. This is as close as Wetzel got to the answer:
Belichick loves this kind of stuff, say his friends and associates, who never want to be quoted when speaking in depth about him.
He loves it because he hates so much of the nonsense that surrounds football, has a longstanding disdain for the league office and carries a rebel streak that finds greater joy in making a defiant stand than cashing a check. Rather than give a ranting speech about the sideshow nature of the NFL, he’d prefer the passive-aggressive nature of a quiet protest and hope the world picks up on it.
A travel agent
Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports
Finally, we now know one more thing Belichick is not.
A travel agent.
The Patriots are holding minicamp this week, and Belichick met with the media on Monday. Among the lines of questions he faced? Inquiries about free agent wide receiver DeAndre Hopkins. Reports surfaced late last week that the Patriots would be meeting with Hopkins, and New England beat writers were wondering when that would take place.
“I’m not a travel agent,” came the classic Belichickian response.
So there you have it, a comprehensive list of things Bill Belichick is not. He is not a travel agent, a doctor, an expert in football measurements, nor is he “Mona Lisa Vito.”
He is a football coach.
A football coach who is a fan of Halloween.
